ALENA STARR

Today there was some spiritual/religion field trip at school. I stayed home and didn't go. :P Basically, almost none of my friends were going because they had a Leader's Congress thingy. So I thought, why go? To be alone? NAH. What have I done today? I worked on my site a little, played with my Nintendo DS, and slept. I really needed to sleep. I don't get enough sleep and I'm always tired.

I know I just blogged, but I felt like blogging again. I'm falling in love with blogging all over. It keeps me free (LOL. OK... no.)

My site is.... 72% complete. I basically just need to finish the web section, add a bit more content, put up the layout, and fix a few tweaks. I decided to branch out my site into an icon page. I love making icons so, why not? I currently have an icons section in my content, but I know I'll be making a lot of icons. It's better this way, it won't be crowded. This means I'll have: host.com/alena'ssite & host.com/alena'ssite/icons (my icon's subsection). The icon page might not be done by the time I open the site because the site is much more important. I already have a name and layout for the icons page. Hahaha. Actually, I was making a non-pixel layout last night (cause that's were I started and I didn't want to lose "touch"; I haven't made graphics in a while, much less non-pixel graphics) and I liked it a lot. That's surprising cause I usually don't like most of my graphics. I wanted to use it for something, LOL. So... I decided to do an icons page because I love making icons. The layout features Brendon Urie. <333 :D

Yesterday I got the grade from my most recent Biology test. I got 106/109 which means I got 97 A. YAY! I would have gotten a better grade because the teacher made a stupidity, but it's useless to talk to her. She's... yeah. x_x
Anyways, this girl who always copied from my friends and me got a 90/109 which would be a 83 B. Now she has to study cause we don't talk to her or sit near her anymore. Yet she STILL copies (after she got called out by us). How pathetic. LOL. I sat behind her in this test so she couldn't copy. XD
That reminds me... I have to study for English.

I usually don't blog about other people, but that's what has been going on in my life lately. It's been pretty calm and I hope it stays that way.

I write such long blogs. :P I can't help it. I have a lot inside me. Enough to write a pretty lenghty book. :P

I'll leave with a few randomosities(o.O):

• For some reason I am not taking the English test seriously. It's tomorrow. I should study.
• I haven't gone to the gym in a week +. I'm going today.
• My geometry teacher writes the ampersand (&) really well. She makes it so pretty. Mine is ugly.
• I am obsessed with "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" by Panic! At the Disco (<3). It's on repeat in my iPod right now. XD I have so many favorite favorite favorite songs I could listen to over and over (most from my favorite band, Green Day, but there are many from various artists.) They make the hairs in my arm stand up (although, again, this applies to Green Day mostly.) My best friend shares this feeling with me. :D
• I want to post my playlist, the layout I made for the icons page, and the opinion statement I wrote for English class about stem-cell research.
• I fucking love Green Day. My favorites: Macy's Day Parade, Favorite Son, Fashion Victim, Maria, Warning, Church on Sunday, Jesus of Suburbia, Extraordinary Girl, Give Me Novacaine, American Idiot, Basket Case, Coming Clean, Dead Beat Holiday, Good Riddance, Jackass, King For a Day, Letterbomb, Minority, Misery, Platypus (I Hate You), Sassafras Roots, Redundant, Wake Me Up When September Ends, The Ballad of Wilhelm Fink, Suffocate, among others. Anyone share the GD love? :P Me and my best friend adore them.
• I LOVE CAPS. <3
  

<3 ALENA (lol)

Hahaha. The last entry was great. Very long and liberating. No one read it, of course. Hahaha. I knew it. When I re-read it I thought I sounded like a moron. It happens.

I wasn't planning on blogging. However, I made a post in an MB out of boredom and it turned out to be pretty long. I'm going to post it. It's more of a rant:

    I had this friend last year. My other two friends warned me about her. They said she was a copycat and was always copying and asking for help. One of my friends said her grades were fake. I thought to myself, "Well... two people are telling me this but... I just don't believe it. I mean, the girl has good grades I don't think they are all from copying."    
    LOL I knew nothing. That is one of the most pathetic girls I've ever seen. That year I started seeing why my friends had warned me. She is a leech that feeds off other people's hard work. She even copies religion homework (WHICH ARE PERSONAL QUESTIONS!!!!).
So this new school year she had the same attitude. I was fed up. I told her she was copycat and did nothing. She copies from all her "friends" so we all kind of left her alone (except the two girls that warned me of her in the first place. Apparently, they are kinda dumb and are still in this situation. GET OUT! STOP GIVING HER YOUR GRADES AND HARD WORK!)
    So we haven't talked since. She still copies, doesn't do her homework, asks stupid questions all the time, etc.

    Today, however, she was kind of approaching me. At today's church ceremony in school she gave me the peace (I don't think I translated that well.... ). She has also been trying to talk to me all day today. Look, you are a pathetic copier and I have nothing to say to you and no intentions of being your friend. Start working or get new copy victims cause I am not going to fall for that again. What gets to me the most is that she copied from all of her friends last year, she has no morals, I called her out on it, SHE STILL DOES IT, and now she wants to talk to me. LOL!!
copycopycopycopycopy. GRRRR...
LOL. I see what a loser you are and have no intentions in associating with you. THNX. Start working and stop copying from everything and every one of your friends. I just think she is incredibly pathetic. Lol. One of my friends is so fed up with this girl that she is about to punch her. Hahaha. I'll keep you posted on the issue.

/END

That was it. I don't feel like underlining or bolding (?) anything. :P I feel lazy today. I didn't sleep. Plus, I have to study for a computer quiz.
I need to work on my site. I should have it by the end of September. I applied in July! It's just that school has been really hectic. The first months are like that. They just want to throw everything in there. I also have to work on the Science Fair. UGH!!!
I ALSO have to do this opinion statement on Stem-cell research. I chose the topic. I'm kinda regretting it because the teacher is very pro-life and has some VERY FIRM ideas. I think I have a good argument. However, she doesn't seem like the kind of person that sees other people's point of view. Yes, she is my English teacher. The one I complained about before. LOL. I think I'll post the opinion statement here once it is finished. I hope I get a good grade. She can't give me a bad grade just cause she doesn't agree with me. That can get her in trouble. Although, my school is pretty corrupt and doesn't give a shit about student rights. 9_9

This has been a boring blog. I needed some liberation. Phew. I feel a BIT better. :P I pretty much used this as a To Do List. XD

Tomorrow is Friday. Yay. It's my sister's 20th birthday. Actually, her birthday is on Saturday but we are celebrating it tomorrow. I hope I can go out this weekend. I haven't gone out in a while. School has kept me busy. :(

<3 ALENA

Edit: MY FUCKING STUPID NEW KITTEN FUCKING KICKED MY NINTENDO DS LITE FROM A TABLE INTO THE FLOOR. THAT THING IS SO FRAGILE. THANK GOD I HAVE A WARRANTY. WHEN IT GETS TOO BEATEN UP I'M GETTING A NEW ONE. BITCH. SHE IS SUCH A FUCKER. MY SISTER (SHE'S MY SISTER'S) DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER TO RAISE HER OR GIVE HER ORDER. THE KITTEN FUCKS EVERYONE AT NIGHT. SHE JUMPS ON MY LEGS AND SCRATCHES ME TAKING AWAY MY SLEEP. SHE DOESN'T SHUT UP AT NIGHT AND IS ALWAYS FUCKING AND BOTHERING PEOPLE. MY SISTER JUST LOCKS THE DOOR AND LETS THE KITTEN FUCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE -EXCEPT HER, OF COURSE. SHE DOESN'T GIVE ORDER. I USUALLY DON'T LOSE MY TEMPER LIKE THIS OVER ANIMALS. I ADORE THEM. SPECIALLY CATS. BUT THIS KITTEN IS SOO FUCKING BAD BEHAVED. MY SISTER IS SOO LAZY. SHE JUST LEAVES HER AT THE MERCY OF OTHERS. I LOVED MY CAT AND TOLD HIM WHEN HE DID SOMETHING WRONG. MY CAT IS SO WELL BEHAVED. I ADORE HIM. HE IS ONE GOOD CAT. <3333333333 IF YOU FUCKING BEGGED FOR THAT CAT, FUCKING RAISE IT. SHE IS SO SELFISH AND EXPECTS EVERYONE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR HER YET SHE DOES NOTHING. JEEZ. IT'S YOUR CAT.
<3333 I LOVE YOU DS. :D

/LOL END

I could go on and on about my sisters, yet that would't help me at all.... *sigh*. I need to write a book or something. One of these days I'm gonna blow up. :(
Hahaha. Mmm... another long post. Yummy. Too lazy to proof-read though. :P BYE!

I decided to post because I did not want an empty Vox. I had many things to say/write, but now.... I just forgot.

I don't want to introduce myself. This is not a diary. Think of this as the blog of an unknown girl, LOL. Or look me up in Teahouse MB, DeviantART, or my site (which isn't up). Hahaha. Shameless plugging.

I decided to blog because I needed to liberate myself. I'm the kind of person that keeps everything inside. I'm not close to my family and somethings are too personal to tell to my friends. My site isn't open yet and I need a place to liberate myself. I'd rather tell stuff to strangers because I don't have to face them everyday. I don't have to worry about "What will they think of me?", "Will they see me differently?", "How can I face them now that they know?". There are things that are even more personal which I won't say here, but this blog will be such a relief. I will write long entries because I bear a lot of things inside. Hahaha. I sound like a deep and wounded person. Most of the times I feel like that but I try to forget it. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing the victim, like I'm a whiner. Like there are people that are worse off than me. However, when I sit down and think about the facts I feel like I have the right to cry, the right to wish for a much better life (everyone does), the right to be depressed.

I used to cry everyday/almost daily for long periods of time. Now I can't. I'm just too busy. You know how sometimes people became anorexic or develop eating disorders because food is all they can control? Well, I feel like that. There are just some tough situations from the past, future, and present that haunt me. I tried to look for an outlet and tried my hand at eating disorsers. I failed. I just need my food. LOL. Ok, back to serious mode. I don't regret it. I learned from my mistakes. Plus, it never got out of hand. I never made it past a month with the "disease." Anyways, since I couldn't control that I moved on to my grades. They are the next thing which I have most control over. I will enlighten you more on the subject later.

Anyways, I'm so busy and stressed with school, friends, situation, life, family, and other personal things and I just don't have time to sit down and cry. I dont' have time to think and I don't have time to relax. It doesn't help that I have no one to talk to. That's why I really want to continue this blog. The only time I have to think about things is when I shower because I'm basically not doing anything. So I just break down and cry. It feels good. It's a relief. Another time where everything just comes to me is when I'm trying to sleep. I think this is why I have trouble sleeping. It takes me at least 2 hours to fall asleep. The average time is 7 minutes! And when I do fall asleep I wake up every three hours or so. This has been going on for a year (the sleeping problems). I told my mom. She doesn't want to give me sleeping pills because she thinks I'll become addicted. She doesn't want to take me to the doctor either. I'll just have to deal. But on top of it my hemoglobin is low which makes me sleepy and tired all the time. I barely have energy so I NEED my sleep, but I don't get that much of it.

I know these entries are long and I doubt you will read them, much less comment, but I don't care. I'm doing this for myself. I need this. I need to put it all down or I'm going to explode. I didn't make this blog for you anyways, LOL. I did it for me. I think I'm gonna stick with Vox. Not much people will see this soo... good?

I'm going to finish the intro and then get to blogging. I probably forgot stuff but if it comes to mind I'll type it in later entries.

I wish I could tell my best friends. I wish I could, but I'm too weak. I'm too scared. Oh, how I needed Her. How I needed Her shoulder to cry on, to comfort me, to acompany me. I cried and cried and decided to tell Her, but after a few minutes it would pass and I'd be "okay." I keep putting things off and when they come I feel like shit, but when they go I "calm down." I should just resolve my issues once and for all. Her = My best best friend.

One of my friends told us her father abused her mother in front of her. I think about it sometimes. It comes to my mind from time to time when I see her. It's not very frequent, but it's there. The girl with the abusive father. This worsens my fears....

I think I'll leave it there. I'm gonna stop explaining and start blogging. Hahaha. This is so long. I don't care. I like how big long documents look. It's like a marker smell, YUMMY! LOL. I LOVE CAPS, BY THE WAY. Hahaha. I have a lot of proofreading to do after this. Oh, well. Moving on. I try to stay joyful and I hope one day I can know happiness. I'm not asking for a perfect life, but I don't want to be in this circle of rough things that take huge tolls on me.

Hahaha. I like Vox. The blogging is cool. So HERE WE GO:

• This has been a very hectic week. School started on August so I've been bombarded with work. :(
  

Yesterday I got together with a friend from school to work on our first science fair proposal. We are doing it on sports anorexia. We need a catchy title. If you have any suggestions, please comment. Although, I doubt anyone is still reading, LOL. Unless you skipped the whole top part and when straight for the pretty & big 'T'. LOL. Anyways, it's cool cause we had fun. She's a sweetheart and smart. I'm glad I'm working with someone responsable. :D So, I went to her house after school but we didn't stay in her apartment. She said she couldn't study there because of the bad atmosphere. Families usually behave when guests come over. Hers apparently doesn't. I felt bad then. Moving on... so we went down to the entrance area where there were chairs and stuff and we tried to find a connection. We couldn't so we figured we would go to a Starbucks nearby. She called her mom. She was hesitant at first and fought but she took us. Hahaha. LOL at construction workers. LOLLLL. LOOSER. LOL. WEIRD DISGUSTING FREAK! LOL. It's not important and it's pretty common so I won't explain. Let's just say a lot of interesting people went through the entrance. XD

We got to Starbucks and I was excited because, believe it or not, I had only entered one Starbucks and I had never ordered anything. I ordered a Mochaccino Venti (sp?! LOL) and she ordered the same but a white chocolate one. And we got a DELICIOUS heavenly chocolate cake and giant chocolate cookie. I WAS STUFFED! Since we got delayed at her appartment we finished at 8pm! We left school at 2pm! We were going to meet up some friends at the mall but it was too late and we were tired (even though that day I had half of a 1/2 pound Hershey's almond chocolate bar, a coffee drink, half a cake, and the whole cookie). LOL. Caffeine and sugar have never worked that well on me. :P

Today is Saturday. I have to do a computer project. It'll be easy, I have to watch a movie and write an essay but I know it will take long. Study for a Biology test and that's it. :P Next week I have to get together with the same friend to do an English project. It should be fun. :D

Anyways, I told you I would enlighten you on the grades issue, right? Well grades are very important to me. I try to do my best in school. So we take a test on this book which I read twice and got summaries, etc. and I go out thinking I did fine. The next day after school I find out I got a 91/100 cause I went with my friends to get our grades. Yeah, it's an A but it's a low A. Almost a B. It's not the grade I'm used to. So I get upset. Ok, I have to stop to talk about my English teacher a bit. People are really bad to her. Students are cruel and they call her The Thing. Sometimes to her face. She is... well... not very pleasant to the eye and she spits a lot when she talks. But so far she's been a good teacher so I always defended her and said, "Aww. Leave her alone. She's good." Or so I thought. She sees me upset and goes, "Don't tell me you're crying because of a 91" (with and attitude) and THAT makes me break and I cry. Look, I have some issues plus I'm very anal about good grades so this got to me (I didn't tell her that, lol). She told me to sit down. She said, QUOTE "Here's the thing with these perfectionist overachievers. They always want to have really good grades in high school and maybe that's not that important. It's better to have low grades cause if you get a bad grade in college you will be used to it. I had this friend who was really good in high school but when she went to college she got a bad grade and was crying. My friend told me, 'I wish I had gotten B's and C's (that's what I got) like you so I would be used to it.'" So basically, she told me it was better to suck and be shit than to be good so that if you happened to get shit you're used to it?!?!?!?!?!? You should always strive to be your best. She asked me if someone was gonna beat me up if I didn't do well and I said no. But HELLO, I want this for myself. No one needs to beat me up. You can't have the "let me suck and live badly so that if I get something bad I'm used to it, just in case" mentality. PLEASE. Everyone was like WTF! She's crazy. She may be a good teacher but she sucks cause she's just stupid. Who the hell thinks like that? Lower yourself, suffer, suck, etc. so you're used to it?!?!?! And it's not logic. If you suck at high school, how are you supposed to get into college to "be used to bad grades"?! Apparently she has a thing against "perfectionists" cause sometimes my friend (the one I'm doing the science fair with) asks questions and the teacher told her to stop looking for the cat's fifth leg. She snapped at her. Does she hate people with good grades because she didn't get good grades...? Whatever, I'm over her. Now I'm all "professional" she'll definetly won't be one of those teachers you bond with or the ones that change your life. But what bothers me is that there are two questions in the exam that I truly 100% honestly think SHE has wrong. She said we would discuss it on Monday. Jeez. I'll blog with updates. I definetly won't be defending her from cruel jokes anymore. -_-

On Friday it was club sign up day. I signed up for Computer Club, French Club (with The Thing [yeah, it's immature of my part to use the nickname and pretty irrational but I dont' wanna type her name] I basically just joined cause we do field trips and to be with my friends. Some of us got separated this year *tear*), Fondos Unidos (the literal translation in English is United Funds. I don't know if that's the name in English. I used the Google translation and got united bottoms. ROFL! It's like a charity.), Science Club, and... that's it. I wanted more but that would be too much to handle. One of my friends(the science fair one) got into English Forensics with The Thing. I don't know why. Anyways, my friends tried to convince me to get in it since I love acting and I'm "good at it" (according to them) but I disliked the teacher and it's not like it was theater or drama. It's just reciting. It would help but... errr. No. XD There was also a writing club. I love writing but I don't think I coud share my writing yet. Maybe in like 10 years. Not now. I'm not confident, comfortable or interested. It would be interesting but it's not my aspiraition. Two of my friends joined, honestly, I don't know why. BITCH MODE: The girl friend's stories... well.. are bad (not to be blunter). They are rip offs of movies and stories she likes, plus they're pretty empty. I've read them. Just like Disney Channel "stars": full of air. And the boy, I mean WTF, I know he wants to be a director but... I've never head of him writing stories. ZOMG. OMG OMG. YES! I thought of it just nowwww! It came to me right now as I was writing. I once found a few papers in his room and started reading them. LOLOLOLOLOL. It was a story about a turtle who was slow and got made fun of (WTF, all turtles are slow). Anyways, he went into a race and won 1st place (a true underdog story or underturtle...o.O?) and F* (let's not name her) thought he was cool and married him. ROFL. It was hilarious. You had to see how it was written, you had to see it. He kept insisting his little brother wrote it (yeah, blame it on the little bro) but hello...? Why was it in YOUR closet and why did YOUR brother write about  YOU and F, which is a really ugly girl he liked for a while. They dated. ROFL! It was the weirdest couple of the school. Everyone was WTF. She used him for his money. Poor idiot, never found out. So naive. He bought her things, took her to concerts, etc. She dumped him liiike 1 & 1/2 years ago. ANYWAYS, he wrote it. I know. He ripped it out of my hands and broke the paper. Plus, it was his bad grammar. LOL. Good times..... Anyways. It was pretty obvious he wrote it as a kid but... how long (or how NOT long) ago was that? Hmm... well.. BACK TO TOPIC. I searched his PC and he had no stories so it's like... ok. What are you doing there (in the club :P)? I guess he wants to learn so it's cool... ^_` err... That's supposed to be a raised-eyebrow smilie. LOL. /ENDS BITCH MODE. Those are the kinds of thing most people think but never say. This is my blog sooo whatever. :D I'm getting lazy. I'm writing worse and worse. I doubt I'll proofread this. Well, not tonight anyways. Sorry for the typos and grammaros (o.O) This has taken me over an hour to write!!!!! Well, mostly cause I worked on it on and off and then made some YUMMY chicken fingers but.... this is looong. I'm almost done soo... :P
If you have beared through this whole thing, I TRULY COMMEND YOU. <333 You are bored, patient or very nice. LOL.

I'm gonna end it here. There aren't any other important or revelant things to BLOG about. HHAHAHA. I'll come back later. LOL. This is so fun. LOL. Hahaha. Whatever. I'm keeping this public. My offlinies don't even know what Vox is... unless they know about my "secret" life. GASPIES! I hope not. XDDDD

And just so you know, I won't blog about war or politics. I know the world is horrible and there are many things going on out there. People (well, at least me) that don't include critiques on the world aren't necessarily ignorant. I'm not "ZOMG like my boy fraind we were w/e kissin n he said u cmplte me and zogmjd" but if I blogged about everything around me of that nature I would make biblically long posts everyday and your would never hear about me. This is MY blog and although those things DO affect me, I've decided to keep them out of here.
Also, I know I'm blogging about my friends and it's kinda disrespectful but... they don't know. No one here knows them (I think), I've kept names private, and it's my life and they are a part of it. Someday I'll share this with them. I truly love all my friends. <3

SO I LEAVE YOU WITH THAT. HERE IS MY ULTRA LONG LIBERATING POST. I HOPE IT GOES THROUGH, LOL. WITH TONS (I JUST WROTE TONGS, LOL /DELETES) OF GRAMMAR AND SPELLING ERRORS. IT GOES FROM BAD TO WORSE. XD THIS WAS SO FUN. I'LL DO IT AGAIN. SO, I FINALLY BLOGGED AND IT FELT AWESOME. ALTHOUGH IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. I HOPE ONE DAY I FIND THE COURAGE TO TELL SOMEONE IN PERSON. FACE TO FACE EEEVEERYYYTHING. I HOPE....

SO CONGRATULATIONS IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THROUGH THIS. IF YOU REALLY HONESTLY DID. TELL ME. LOL. I'LL BOW DOWN AND LICK YOU. HEHEHE. SO IT'S 12:22 AM AND I LEAVE YOU (with caps, lol.) GOODNIGHT OR GOODMIDNIGHT. <3

<3 ALENA

• EDIT: HOLY &&!%!%^!%#^ THIS IS MUCH LONGER THAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. IT TAKES UP LIKE THE WHOLE VOX PAGE THING AND IT STRETCHES SOO MUCH. NO ONE IS READING THIS. DEFINETLY. LOL. MAYBE IT'S BETTER THAT WAY. LOL. WELL, I MIGHT POST MORE PICS LATER. I WANT TO SHOW YOU MY CATS AND SOME SILLY STUFF. BYYYEEEE. *HAAHAHA BORED*